Self-doubt

I struggle with self-doubt.  A lot.  For the first few months I was writing for the local newspaper, I had my husband read over every article I wrote.  He is better at grammar than me, but it was more than that.  He was my sounding board.  I needed him to say it was good enough.

I started a new job.  I am writing Literature lesson for an online study tool.  I spent the night tossing and turning, fretting over the lesson I submitted yesterday, my first.  Was it good enough?  Would they send it back and say start over?

The problem isn’t the writing.  I believe in what I write.  I enjoy writing it.  It is when you introduce the audience that I suddenly get stage fright.  Just because I think something is funny or important, who am I? 

Perhaps it is a product of my generation – the “you get a ribbon just for participating” generation.  I seem to need constant assurance.  I am not looking for praise.  Just a “Yep, this will work.”  Assurance that I am doing the right thing.

It is exhausting.  I know my husband is worn out reading things for me all the time.  But it is also exhausting for me.  The constant worry that I what I am doing isn’t right, or good enough. 

I wish I could be one of those people that are unaffected by self-doubt.  I do my best at everything, but I am never sure it is the right thing.  I wish I could just not care.  Just sit down at the computer, write, and never worry about the audience.  I feel like those people are on to something.  I want to be like them.  No stress, no constant worry.  Do it and let it go.  So zen.

How do I get to be like that?